How To Kill The PMS Monster? Part 2: The SUPPLEMENT
How To Kill The PMS Monster - Part 3: Hormone-o-rama
How To Kill The PMS Monster Part 4: Maybe They're Really That Annoying
How To Kill The PMS Monster Part 5: PMS Can Suck It!
Aw, PMS--my old buddy, friend, and life long pal. It seems like a funny joke right--"ha ha, I'm soooo bitchy! I'm TOTALLY PMS-ING! LOL! You too, girlfriend? What? If you don't get a chocolate bar with some nuts in it you're going to start lopping off heads too? ROFLMAO!"Yeah, ha ha, right? And how about that other tired joke that I've heard so much, I can hardly muster up a feigned "yeah, heh heh" any longer? That joke goes a little something like this:
Me (with anguish and great, bald sincerity): "I suffer terribly from PMS."
Mr. Hilarious: "Yeah? So does your husband! Hyuk, hyuk, hyuk." (did you just hear that ba-doo-CHAH! of that jokey drum riff with cymbal clash too?)
Granted, this is true--The Man does INDEED suffer--but it never, ever lightens up the situation. Never. GOT THAT?
Ookey, moving on...
Actually, I make light of the whole thing myself to a certain extent. Oh man, it's so funny that that womanly time comes when I want to tear off heads and sh*t down necks, har har har--yeah, my PMS lasts for TWO WEEKS! Ha ha ha!
This is the part when women stopped laughing and started looking at me. With wide eyes. Your PMS lasts for TWO WEEKS???
Womanly friend A: "um, nooo...I get one day where I want to drink coffee all day and cry over everything, but that's about it."
Womanly friend B: "I have a couple of days when I feel like I could shoot someone, but that's about it."
Womanly friend C: "I guess I have two or three days when I'm really irritable, and I find my husband really unattractive and annoying, and the kids really get on my nerves, but that's about it."
karen, the freak with two heads: "erm, at around exactly two weeks before my red buddy shows up, my breasts start to get sore. Sometimes they get so sore and achey, I nearly need to put a heating pad on them. I also become extremely depressed, very, very, very edgy, totally angry, and suffocated by anxiety. I get so bloated in the last week that I can actually SEE it in my face, and I could easily pack my bags and never return again."
And so, even though all those things I listed are one big wonderful adventure, for some reason I've decided I've had enough. Two weeks out of every month. Hey, I'm no math genius--in fact, I SUCKED at math in school. I sucked so hard at math that in elementary school, I had to be in the extra help math group because I could NOT GET the concept of "rounding up or down" to the most logical number. You know--5.7 gets rounded up to 6? 5.4 gets rounded down to 5? (That's right, isn't it? I may yet be an idiot). And when it came time to learn "factoring" in grade 10, my boyfriend at the time (and incidental math genius) could not make me see that he wasn't simply pulling numbers out of his A$$. So, I'm a math idiot, but not so much so that I didn't figure out that 2 weeks out of every month of feeling sh*tty, and horrible, and bummed, and SUPA DUPA TIRED = FIFTY PERCENT OF MY FREAKING LIFE! No es bueno.
Also, it was my sister who pointed out the obvious to me:
Nerdo: "karen, that's not PMS. I think you have that PMD thing, or whatever it's called."
YES! A DISORDER! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!!!!!
So what the hell is PMD? Actually, it's PMDD: Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder. Mmm...yummy! Well, let's grab some of the juicier info from good old Wikipedia, shall we?
Premenstrual dysphoric disorder (PMDD) is a severe form of Premenstrual syndrome, afflicting 3% to 8% of women. It is a diagnosis associated with the luteal phase of the menstrual cycle.
PMDD is a premenstrual syndrome (PMS) that is so severe it is debilitating.
Like less severe forms of PMS, premenstrual dysphoric disorder always follows a predictable, cyclic pattern. Symptoms always begin in the late luteal phase of the menstrual cycle (after ovulation) and always end completely shortly after menstruation begins.
Emotional symptoms are always present, and in PMDD, mood symptoms are dominant. Substantial disruption to personal relationships is typical for women with PMDD. The cardinal symptom—always surfacing between ovulation and menstruation, and always disappearing within a few days after the onset of the bleeding—is irritability. Anxiety, anger, and depression may also occur.
Hey....this is what I've always realised...as soon as the EGG DROPS, I turn into an angry, asexual cactus! The main symptoms, which can be disabling, include
* feelings of deep sadness or despair, possible suicide ideation
* feelings of tension or anxiety
* increased sensitivity to rejection or criticism
* panic attacks
* mood swings, crying
* lasting irritability or anger, increased interpersonal conflicts. Typically sufferers are unaware of the impact they have on those close to them (oh, I am aware!)
* apathy or disinterest in daily activities and relationships
* difficulty concentrating
* food cravings or binge eating
* insomnia or hypersomnia; sleeping more than usual, or (in a smaller group of sufferers) being unable to sleep
* feeling overwhelmed or "out of control"
* increase or decrease in sex drive
* increased need for emotional closeness
* physical symptoms: bloating, heart palpitations, breast tenderness, headaches, joint or muscle pain, swollen face and nose Common physical symptoms include:
* physical symptoms such as breast tenderness or swelling, headaches, joint or muscle pain.
* an altered view of one's body - a sensation of 'bloating', feeling fat or actual weight gain.
If you would like to read the entire article, go HERE.
Well frankly, that BLOWS, but one can almost perversely get used to living this way, if it's THEIR LIFE.
So, I'm going to subject you to my own guinea-pig installments of whether or not an over the counter supplement can make a difference in my life, since I'm just not ready to get on hard-core meds just yet. Don't worry--I'm not going to talk exclusively about yucky PMDD stuff. There'll be other fun things to discuss like poop, boobies and other goodies.
And so, it's ONWARD, IN THE NAME OF SCIENCE!
Makes it almost sound exciting, no?